Blog.. Blog.... Blogged !!

The scribbles resume, but at a new base.

2006-08-10T06:11:00.000-07:00

Any of my fellow bloggers who earlier used to visit this blog, can rejoin their old pal in his journeys of write by simply sending just a blank mail at soumabh[AT]rediffmail.com . He'd be really happy :)

And for the one person who is being terribly missed despite the rightful blame upon me for not keeping in touch with him, Stranger's Inc ......... I'm still hoping for an end to your disappearance.
I am.

well.

2006-05-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

I've been losing out on some special friends due to my own foolishness. Maybe losing them forever. Unlucky, that as long as you are wrong you have no idea that you are.

This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And I can't stop bumping into things

I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be happy together
Thought we'd be limitless together
I thought we'd be precious together
But I was sadly mistaken.

If I had a bill for all the philosophies I shared
If I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented
If I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
My wealth would render this no less severe.

~ Alanis Morissette
( "Simple Together" / Feast on Scraps )

Click here to download this song's mp3 file 07-alanis_morissette-simple_together-aaf.mp3

Floydian tranquilizer

2006-05-07T12:06:00.000-07:00

Into the distance, a ribbon of black
stretched to the point of no turning back

a flight of fancy on a wind swept field
standing alone, my sense reeled
a fatal attraction holding me fast,
how can I escape this irresistible grasp?

can't keep my eyes from the circling sky
tongue-tied & twisted
just an earthbound misfit, I

ice is forming on the tips of my wings
unheeded warnings,
I thought, I thought of everything
no navigator to guide my way home
unladened, empty and turned to stone

a soul in tension that's learning to fly
condition grounded but determined to try
can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
tongue-tied & twisted
just an earthbound misfit, I

above the planet on a wing and a prayer
my grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air

across the clouds I see my shadow fly
out of the corner of my watering eye
a dream unthreatened by the morning light
could blow this soul right through the roof of the night

There's no sensation to compare with this
suspended animation, a state of bliss
can't keep my mind from the circling sky
tongue-tied & twisted
just an earthbound misfit, I

Learning to Fly / Pink Floyd

I never really tried out Floyd that much. But today, I can see the depth of their lyrics. Poetry that caressed and soothed the soul? Yes.
Well, Floyds...... chalo, somehow you got another fan of yours today.

Well.

2006-05-07T08:37:00.000-07:00

Come to write a post.
Take a deep breath.......... swallow in the infinity of words and thoughts.... breathe in really really deep. Gulp it down.

Breathe out. All sighs and "phew!"s .

And that's it. A huge post. Completed.

And in the closing remark :

Soumabh Sen is the biggest fool you will ever come across. He is. Seriously.
And so now he really doesn't care about anything for himself. His first ambitious goal kick just had to end in an offside. And now he's volunteered to retire from the match and sit back among the spectators. Well, hi all ye fellows....I'm back to my seat.

- Asshole

Life,

2006-05-04T05:26:00.000-07:00

sometimes you leave me stupefied, knocked out with the way you control us. One moment pushed into the reverse gear, and the very next into overdrive. I'm amazed.
How very out of our hold is the next tiny little millisecond.

Of a skydiver and a sky.

2006-05-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

You've always wished for those skies to fly across and about.
And then you get to.
You're a skydiver, and you also put on wings someone said are made for these skies.
They'll help you keep afloat and cut across, it's said.
You go right up there, and take the dive.
Flying through the sky, everything feels nice.
And then suddenly you realise your flight's turned into a fall.
The wings also withered away.
Every passing moment throwing at you such and other hints that these skies are not yours.
And that they never will be.
It's too windy, restless. Won't let you rest assured of which way its breeze gonna blow any next instant. Changes direction every second.
The rescue airplane keeps hovering 'round, offering to take you to some other skies where the wind flows peaceful and where it won't break your flight.
Still you refuse, and send it away.
'Cause you're just too much addicted to this now to leave it here.
While the ground's coming up at you now a thousand miles a moment to bring an end to this shortened rendezvous between the sky and the skydiver.
But if it's to end afterall, why not spend those remaining few moments in this atmosphere...... every last seconds gaining a memory to cherish, a view to remember?
When the ground hits him eventually,
There would be no more skies he'll go looking for, afterall.
'Cause crashed and destroyed, he'll know that he would never be up there in the sky again.

And that's the story about why the famous skydiver spent the rest of his days in a garage with a roof without any hole.Coz he could hear the strange voices of some different kind of species coming from above.And so did he rest assured that the sky that had forsaken him, now had creatures that were meant for it.And they were flying up there happily, as if long accustomed to the constantly varying moods of the weather there. And not fumbling and grappling like some wishful, ambitious, unsuitable, failed skydiver whose only equipment that lasted till the end was the desire to rule that sky.

Read it whole? Tugging at your hair, pulling them apart? :)
Nevermind.
You all know my mental diarrhoea will always confuse a diagnosis.
So don't try.

:)

Shine on

2006-04-22T11:49:00.000-07:00

Hold on
Hold on
Don't be scared.
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile
Shine on
Don't be scared,
Your destiny may keep you warm.

'Cause all of the stars
Have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday.
Take what you need
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out.

Get up,
Come on
Why you're scared?
You'll never change what's been and gone.

'Cause all of the stars
Have faded away.
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them some day.
Take what you need
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out.

'Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday.
Just take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out

We're all of the stars,
We're fading away.
Just try not to worry,
You'll see us someday.
Just take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out.

~ Stop Crying Your Heart Out by OASIS

Getting mad by this song.
You too can. Here's for you to download (and no, this site has no annoying pop ups) :
Click here to download Oasis_-_04_-_Stop_Crying_Your_Heart_Out.mp3

When.......

2006-04-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

... you people get married and have kids, tell them one thing :

Never try to become Soumabh Sen.

Else their entire life will be spent tearing their hair apart.

:((

200 Km / h in the Wrong Lane

2006-04-20T12:06:00.000-07:00

That's the title of an album by tAtU, a russian pop group whom I really really never listen to, nor will.
But somehow, this title..... it does catch my attention. Come to think of it..... aren't there sometimes in life when you feel you've put your car in the wrong lane...... the entire traffic coming straight at you, head on. And still all you wanna do is put your foot on the accelerator and go speeding into everything. As everything comes skidding, screeching, screaming towards you. Imagine. Must be a real thrill till the crash and burn takes place finally, and all ends. Ain't it?

Conclusion : I hope there's an airbag in my car :)

Hmmm.

2006-03-24T20:05:00.000-08:00

Life is not all that bad. Definitely not all of it.
No matter what downswing of your times you're going through.
Isn't it?

From miles inside my Head to a few yards around my Den

2006-03-18T05:38:00.000-08:00

I'm always doing what I think I should,
Almost always doing everybody good.
Why?
Do I wanna do right? of course, but
Do I really wanna feel I'm forced to?
Answer you, hell no !

I've acquired quite a taste
For a well made mistake.
I wanna make a mistake,
why can't I make a mistake ?
I'm always doing what I think I should,
Almost always doing everybody good.
Why?

"Mistake" - Fiona A.

aaah....... Fiona knows it all :D

Anyways, one of the recent Sundays some bug bit me and I snatched a pal's recently bought Swedish digicam (eh... weird name... dun even remember :/ ) to go shooting whatever my eyes could see around my room. Here, bear them now :)

and now also one of those weird quizzes about yourself :)

What Colour Are You?
Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics !

You are the color turquoise. A fairly temperamental person, you're either upset or tranquil most of the time. You can be as calm as your color. You're a mysterious person, yet somehow outgoing. You're balanced, simply put. You're somewhat bold. You're generous and sophisticated--but never ever snobby. You're lively and rich in personality and attitude. You're a beautiful person, aside from the fact that you're a perfectionist and painfully honest. But life is good to you!
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Past, Future, Introspection, Love........ and Happy Birthday ! :D

2006-03-13T02:49:00.000-08:00

Note : Smithy dear..... as you and others can see, and as I myself don't want to see, this post has really crossed all limits..... you'll need goooood time to read this, that too if you're daring enough to do that. Take your time and then only call me.. I'm almost free this entire week. And bored. That explains the post though. eewwwww.

Today is the day. 'Cause it's strange. Not like the same particular day of all the years till now. Coz today is when I feel I should put all those tid-bits of thoughts that float around in the mind, at one place. Past. Present. Future. Coz I feel I'm coming to a full circle...... took a stroll complete around, and now perhaps it's time to hop back onto the train that runs on those used tracks. Analyze and Introspect. Regret and Rejoice. Smithy's and Shreyansh's tag will take care of the second element of the post title. And I might say that you may even skip off directly to that, coz what follows right now, I myself dunno why I'm writing..... just feels that I should act foolish and bare it all about a thing trivial to most. So you might do good to leave out reading it altogether.

Anyways, here's about the first part of the title :
Who am I? What journey do I travel? There are skid marks at some places in my trails. Do I remember? Yes, I do. Coz those skid marks are the remnants of thrill, risk and Life.... my versions of them that I veered off into to explore, and indulge. They've got me the priceless, but perhaps cost me much the things priced. I've perhaps mentioned this somewhat earlier, but today it'd be whole and once and for all.
Soumabh Sen, the long acknowledged do-gooder of all humankind, a legend-in-making for altruism ;) used to be a pretty studious boy too.... staying perched at the peak through school days. But suddenly around high school, he started questioning the very point of constantly staying on course. Why is it not beautiful to get lost? Why not get off and not look at the watch for some next destination? Anyways, he kept the good school boy thing that year. A year later, he started on the off road journey. Tasted music, bunked school, spent days traversing through every nook and corner of the city, and would everytime find out an unexplored, serene piece of earth somewhere on the river bank or the good old Residency ruins in the city to fall off on the thick green and doze off. Right then, that was Life. Every single day. Like a new episode of Ushuaia every time. And that, was Indulgence. More than perhaps any intoxication can provide. Perhaps that's why he didn't try out any other :)
Anyways, slump was happening somewhere else. Someone jumped off the peak without regret, somewhere. The erstwhile studious barely managed to scrape through the first div in the final showdown. "Holy shit.... with this score do you even imagine going somewhere other than nowhere?" Aaah..... so the known roads take you the place Nowhere. Veer off again :) "Ye know what, I'll find a way into that shithole called IIT that people so revere, even from here.... I tell ya!". Starting off from where he left off the pages.... the pages that people read a year and more before they actually graduate from school. PCM. Those are the magic three letters for jumping into this hole, he was told by other people. That only his real love in science, P, was the saving grace in his final grade sheet and that the C, and the M were the kind that would give cardiac arrest to anyone who was told this guy was going for IIT, these were not told to them in return. They were saved from the cardiac arrest though :)
Anyways, time goes and the shithole doors finally crack open. 'Cause some egoistic, insane, adventurist shit decided to come in. And the next words uttered were: if studies be not still as boring, this is one hole through to a big paradise, and definitely not shit! Inertia is a very bad thing. Especially when it's the one you've been carrying from the past. Come first year, and seeing other 450 goats in the herd grazing though the fields of paper like worthless, ugly animals, something said that he wasn't that, that it'd be great once to stray away and find his own lands. And so he started off. Back to the human version, he did discover some beautiful things.... writing poetry, a keen interest in psychology, light years of depth into the wonders of music, and his passion and success : leading and executing the resurrection of IITK's legendary rock shows along with some rare other passionate souls. That they've now surpassed their earlier highest of crowds and sponsorship is one thing he's termed worthwhile in his life, and of his life.
But what now? It's good only as long it's a good thing you're looking at. You may shoot off to the ceiling, hold the freedom in all three dimensions, show your skills in the trapeze and invent a thousand new moves, but in the end when you have to close the show and step out into the mundane world, you WILL have to come back down to the used, lifeless ground that doesn't even hold out freely the only two dimensions it allows you to move on. First the thing that I supposedly came here for suffered due to involvement in every other thing, coz even while they were things good, they weren't the replacement of something so necessary... and then yes, it also derailed off further with three uninvited sudden visits of Asthma...... thankfully I feel the sudden curse going away now that it didn't revisit like that after... and I hope it doesn't.
And so have I analyzed my past. Conclusion : The first veering off was allowed. The second was necessary and good. The third, was absolutely not necessary..... not at least till I kept myself somewhat near the main course. Which I didn't. Being the Ryan of Five Point Someone was good. But not when I've already been him, from even before where that story starts. Result: I'll also be a goat now :) Yes, for most part of the time at least, and forever. Coz I need to survive. And anyways, as I turn another year older, the nascent and the vapour trails must go now. It's time to condense, gravitate and settle down firmly where life rewards only those who are both : the Goat, and the Lion. If the goat is completely extinct, what different fate will the lion have anyways :)

And if you all are not already dead by that much read, here's the tag :

Hmmm...... so what qualities I wish to be there in my Lady Love. Right on, without any further ado :

The serious three :

1] First, this much is for sure that whenever I find her out I'll confess all that I wrote above and whatever else she wants to know about, really early. Yes, I've been reckless and I've not been perfect. I can't change my past or something else that is not within my control. And if she has issues with something of either, I'll really not pursue persuading or convincing her hard into it... why should she be forced to, anyways? And the last thing that I'd ever want to hear is that "it was a wrong decision". I'd rather have no one than have her with doubts in the mind.

2] Yes, I'm a selective perfectionist... sometimes too much... perfectionist or selective .. whatever. I hope she can live with that. And call it being conventional, old or whatever..... I'll not go ahead rightaway in a relationship unless I decide one thing : that if I take the step forward I be sure of what to converge it into - the formal one. And if once on that road differences crop up and get on the verge, I be the one to forfeit the front to save it........... yes, coz I've seen people breaking up even after such strong bonds on issues that can really be not as important as the relationship itself.... and moreso coz I've myself once coaxed a pal into giving in voluntarily to save the situation with his lady. He didn't agree to it initially, but then he did.....time goes and egos really vaporize. That's what he realised..... and most importantly, it's what I saw actually holds true. The only wish is, she should also have such a policy. It's no point being adamant and ruin everything for issues that can be made temporary.

3] Past is past... but one part of me that is given to taking the risks, adventure and the roads untravelled is not going to die....... nor she should want it to..... in fact if one asks, I'd like her to be like this too. But yes, both should have a grip over this version of each self.

The not-so-serious other ones :)

4] Okay, my lady... you gotta know the language songs speak, wherever you are my elusive madaame. Coz that is what I'll communicate in most of the times to you. And if you don't understand that, either you'll kill me or kick me out. And I don't want either :)

5] Secondly, yes..... of course I'd like you to be outgoing, smart, intelligent ( now don't ask me to define these... whatever you think the majority of humans assume them to be... I'm myself in a phase of coming into the fold of humans)... if not much, at least a liiitle bit?... juuuuust.. juuuust a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit? Thank You. Lovvve ya ! mmmuuuaah.

6] oww..oowww.. yes... you gotta write well too. Everytime we'd try to act romantic, we'd write grand pieces of crap and bullshit for each other and marvel at it too..... even if we don't understand a word of what in God's name each or the other wrote or why ;)

7] And you gotta talk a lot... a lot , a lot , a lot..... all the time and you'll be so rare that still each and every bit of what you talk would be words of wisdom........... even if the wisdom is of a rare kind itself. Chalega ;) Since I talk crap all the time, hence otherwise, it'd be crap + crap = neighbours pelting stones at us :( So this is really really important you see.

8] And yes..... you'd be a spendthrift and really go all out buying things that you like (like I'll go after buying out the entire Planet M) but we'll switch roles in that every month. Else we'll die of starvation if you don't decide to flee with a richer guy.

Extra :) She may drink if she wants to, but I'd prefer if she ain't no drunkard. And smoke, ummm... not that too. Now all of the people who do and want to kill me for saying this, you may do so... but I have no issues, and am not certainly against your choice.... it's just that there are two kinds of people on the two sides of the choice, and I prefer one kind. And no don't worry... all these strings attached I'll get clear pretty early.... I don't like messing ups later due to misunderstandings anyways.

aaaah... I'm DEAD. My fingers have turned to bones. And I'll perhaps now drop off to bed for a deep slumber. And no, I'm not passing this ordeal onto anyone else... whoever wants can automatically deem himself/herself tagged.. be my guest :) And as for the ones who tagged me... Smithy and Shreyansh.... you ppl especially, and others too...better find out this impossible woman for me now.... I'm left with no scope to go around and look for. Phew !

But before that, let me wish myself a

;)

Reserved :)

2006-02-26T05:47:00.000-08:00

Okay.... that's it.
I know it's difficult, I know I'm at my procrastinating best all the time. And I know at the end of the push-it-till-the-last-minute , there is actually no minute left to do it.

So no further posts till the day I complete Smithy's and Shreyansh's tags... the ones about 8 qualities of your wished-for fairy... etc ... etc.

This space, stays reserved for that tag and no post gonna jump and skip over it :)

Prized Possessions

2006-02-11T18:18:00.000-08:00

mmmm....... mmmayyyebe a bit of pri"c"ed possessions rather. My monies are all gone, cash strapped .... please donate generously wherever you spot yours truly these days :)

Anyways, if you're wondering what the hell is going on here, well, I had a long kept desire of buying an original CD of at least one of Fiona Apple's albums. Back there in Bombay, I did rip through all the music stores, but ended up only filling up "request artist" registers :(( They couldn't get it, and I had to return to campus anyways.

But this time one of my close seniors studying at Univ of Illinois happened to ask me if I wanted to get some stuff from there, that which was hard to procure here in India........ and I all of a sudden saw the door to my much sought things. Also, all these months as my two pence, long forsaken webpage has been screaming about, I've been listening to a new artist, Diana Darby. Till now only having to do with some free song clips at her site, I wanted to buy all her three albums, released in quick succession ("Naked Time", "Fantasia Ball" and "Magdalene Laundries"). A very recent artist and much short of the popularity she really really deserves, her songs don't float on the net and her CDs are a far dream back here in India. So I added up the cost of these 4 CDs I wanted that guy to buy for me and wohh... I'd be barely left with anything to eat :( But starvation isn't worse than not getting to listen to things you're dying to.... ain't it so ? :P And so the big decision came through.... and now here I am..... hands full of blessed stuff... pockets empty out of the necessary stuff. Aaaaah... it's okay. The day I start earning, 10 % is the least that will go to Planet M and others of its ilk in the whole wide world :D

Listening to : "The World I Know" by Collective Soul

....Are we listening to hyms of offering?
Have we eyes to see that love is gathering?
All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding into one.

So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself
While the tears roll down.
'cause it's the world I've known.
It's the world I know.

: The World I Know/Collective Soul

Kick me.

2006-02-10T20:57:00.000-08:00

I'm an ass.

Hee Hee Haaww Haaww Hooo Hooo :D

2006-02-04T21:54:00.000-08:00

Read this stuff at the iitk.fun newsgroup on campus LAN.
Liked it ;)

-----------------

A cute little girl walks into a pet shop and asks,
"Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's at her level, and says,
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers ..

" I don't weally fink my pet pyfon gives a phuk !! " :P

------------------

Why do I feel so happy today?

'Cause last night I got hold of my much craved videos of Fiona Apple's "Across The Universe" and Smashing Pumpkins' "1979" song (concert recording though, this)

Currently listening and liking :
Among other bands, Chevelle .

P.S. for Treasured Sounds users, 4 bands/artists added to the collection yesterday .

The comeback post? Naaah. Just come and gone back.

2006-01-30T06:51:00.000-08:00

And then those moments go away
Again, slipping and sliding
Streaming out,
Like the flow of sand grains
from between the fingers
Thinning and dwindling
Slowly, the possessions of this palm.

Carried away far and random
by a silent, yet restless wind
Each thrown apart from the rest
as they trickle out
One with another,
One after another.

Somewhere in the distance
They'll finally graze through the surface
Slide into this sea of thousand others
like them
Nothing, but just another knit
Into this weave of sand
Coarse, yet smooth.

I'll stand, gaze fixed
Watching the grains go away,
Drain out from my palm
Like the rain from clouds
That runs them dry.

They'll all vanish
Emptying my hold, no longer bound
But a slight burrow of what I picked up
and tried to carry along
Is still left as a memory
Forever, like a scar upon my desert ground.

~Sen~

Tried to write something......... just coz I felt like. Coz I wanted to. But not sure whether the way I wanted to. Anyways, something better than nothing for now, I guess. Kindly bear, if you have the time. And if you can :)

Hiatus.

2006-01-01T05:31:00.000-08:00

It barks at no one else but me
Like it's seen a ghost
I guess it has seen the sparks a-flowing
No one else would know.

Sometimes I get overcharged
That's when you see the sparks
You ask me where the hell am I going
At a thousand feet per second.

Hey man, slow down.
Slow down.
Idiot, slow down.
Slow down.

"The Tourist" by RADIOHEAD

Hiatus. Yes, guess that's long overdue for this blogger now. Let the new year bring him at least that. And all that you wish, to you all :-)

This blog will halt in its tracks now for a month. Or two. Or less. I needed to get off from the ride. But I'd still be strolling around the nearby fields, crossing over to the other tracks to see you all journey past me every now and then. And wave a hello to you everytime that happens.
So long,
~Sen~

aaaahhh.....

2005-12-25T14:02:00.000-08:00

..... sigh.

Okay, that's the last of it. Have had a fascination for the unsure, uncertain and the confusing for far too long now.Working out the puzzles, building up the clues. Guesses and confabulations. These are not gonna work out. Nope.

Next year's 'round the corner and I've had enough. Just eat, study and sleep. And don't "think". I'll try to live more like that now. "Think". That's where the problem is. I do just too much of it.Reading into more than that is actually said. Makes things more and more complicated and confusing, and tempting.

Indulge in getting lost in the maze more and more on the pretext of finding the way out.

That's what thinking does to me.Forsake the riddles.And live a more ordinary, simpler life. That's what I should do.

Want to know my new year resolution, huh? You have it right now, right here. Take that, people !!

The Blue. Meshed with the Mellow.

2005-12-10T19:47:00.000-08:00

I thought I saw your face
in the evening sky
On a lonesome cloud,
that was drifting by.

Wish I could fall
On a night like this
Into your lovin' arms,
For a moonlight kiss.

Lovin' arms,
And a moonlight kiss.

sigh.
That's me.Today again.
A sudden rush of the mush.
No reason. No catalyst.
Just a bolt from the blue.
A bolt of the blue.
And it doesn't seem to go away right now.
Just like it didn't for the rest of the day too.

Drinking in the vacuum.
Listening to the silence.
Listening, harder.Trying.
Sailing off to somewhere.
Somewhere, that's miles away from everywhere.
I've perfected.

But, it's almost the evening dying away into the dark now.
Sitting on the bed, almost inside the warmth of the quilt.
Typing this, the comp dragged nearer to the bed.
Lights in the room switched off, only the monitor screen flowing out a soft white glow around itself.
And then the clear window near the bed.
The garden outside visible.
Bathing in stillness
and the orange glow of the sodium lights, that lighted up just a few minutes ago.
Not a single creature in the view.
Not the slightest sound either.
A velvet diffuse of the orange light sneaking into the room, picturing in it a sharp shadow of the window grill.
And a weak glimpse of some poetry scribbled, without muse, and stuck up on the wall since weeks and months in time.

Hours gone listening to the same two songs on the playlist.
"Moonlight Kiss" promising that "You're Beautiful" will get me out of this.
And vice versa.
None does. Only aggravates. And endears more and more.

sigh.
If a muse ever existed in reality,
The poet would have fallen in love this very day, this very moment.
Too bad, he knows it doesn't.
Perhaps when he wakes up tomorrow morning,
he'll accept it too.
Till then he'll keep living the virtual in those two songs,
still there on the playlist.
These dreams of the sleepless.
Love songs for the loveless.

And then you get to see this day.......

2005-12-04T00:13:00.000-08:00

.... when reality shows its face, so unpretty
when the soft, oft flaunted skin of displayed friendship gets a cut,
and you get to see the vacuous skeleton that lies beneath.

Yea, 'tis but natural to forget all the things you did for a friend and all that he's done to help you in times.
Isn't it?
All that is afterall, pivoted around remembering some stupid date, occasion or superficial deliverance of pleasantries.
Picking at nitty gritties to get a way to refuse some celebrations.
When all that would have done was some less rude way of saying "no".
Nobody was dying to save on anything anyways.
All they thought was perhaps that we should rejoice together for once before life gets us far apart after this year.
Not being petty. That's a good thing to learn.
I've believed.
Fortunately there are and will be more, who won't belie that.
Others, can embark on a trip to hell.
For all I care.
Duh !

End sems --> Sem ends

2005-12-02T16:45:00.000-08:00

Be a good boy,
Try a little harder.
That wasn't fast enough to make us happy.

We'll love you just the way you are,
If you're perfect.

- "Perfect", Alanis Morissette

P.S. : *Treasured Sounds* collection gets revived, live and kicking sometime this coming week.And also get ready for a windfall of Alanis Morissette stuff this time !

~|||||~~|~

2005-11-21T10:58:00.000-08:00

As I crawl around these trails
and fight upon this widowing field,
The ground below is bare and burned
at the places I have learned to trust you.

Have mercy on my soul
If I am not the last.

Have mercy on my soul
If I am not the last
To go.

If I am not the last to go.

- " The Widowing Field " by Jars of Clay

Hmmmm. Life's not left with a minute to take time out till a couple of weeks ahead.Was listening to some songs of Jars of Clay.This one had me for sometime , so thought of scribbling it out here :/

Soumabh Sen. The @!#$%&%

2005-11-14T17:15:00.000-08:00

There are times when I fool around.

And then when I really overdo it.

A r-e-a-l crack . That's me .

Do get me lynched whenever you get hold of me.
Please do .

7 Drops Of Heaven To Drink Down. At Least once In This Lifetime.

2005-11-05T14:36:00.000-08:00

What makes you live on?
A job that doesn't leave you capable enough to tell one day from another?
Or textbooks that make you wish you could run away to the Jurassic years?
Or just 'cause some stars told you that you can't be gone before some more decades of drudgery?

Definitely not.You do find something to live for.Crave for.To possess.And to treasure.

I don't know what I'll live for in the next year.Or every year after.But I'll find something to keep breathing for till the end comes up without a choice.That's all I know.

Right now, if anything makes me feel that the next minute might be as worthy or more to stay on and witness, it's craving for some beautiful things this music drowns me in.And so will I let you see the things as I've seen.Hear them as I have.

So, what have I got to give to you...Eclectic Stuff? Yes.You may not appreciate it as much as i do.But if you might, then it'd be criminal to have denied yourself an opportunity to experience it.

Here I go :

First download , watch and listen to this Charlotte Church video:
[ Click the link and in the megaupload page that opens up, find the download countdown/ download link at around the top right corner of the page.Download might or might not take time.Have patience , please ! ]

Dream A Dream ( rare studio version video ) [ I'm pleading you.. don't miss this one.... please !! ]

If that struck something within you, and you become unsure whether really not to read this post further, go ahead and click on the remaining video clips :)

Woodstock'99 footage - Alanis Morissette
Coldplay at concert - "Clocks"

For those who now feel like exploring Coldplay a bit more :

"Yellow" - Coldplay
"In my Place" - Coldplay ( In Concert )
"The One I Love"- Coldplay ( The MUCH music footage ) (this is a somewhat big file compared to others... so you might want to download it after all else.But if you're game for Coldplay, you can't miss out on this one !)

And now, this is the video clip of Coldplay's song "The Scientist". No video or song would be better enough to close this post with.

"The Scientist" - Coldplay

Adios.
I might not post much till the end of this month now.Endsems around.But I'll keep visiting blogs.As for you, hope this post will keep you busy enough :)

The Cafe Mocha Discussion. Revisited. And Beyond.

2005-11-03T01:41:00.000-08:00

When in Bombay this summer, me and Ideasmithy had some exchange of thoughts and ideas over cups ( yea, plural !) of coffee and soulful mouthfuls of some Chocolate Avalanche :) I can't specifically state what one thing it revolved around... myriad issues..... but yea, it was definitely about analysing why and how one's behaviour, thinking, way of life and relationships shape up.And also, dwelling on all what Feminism is about.

First, who is a feminist?Is it the same as being "feminine"?
NO!
Feminine, is having mannerisms and/or physical characteristics similar to female sex.
It does NOT restrict a particular type of *thinking* to any sex.
Feminist (mark the next few words carefully now), on the other hand, puts himself/herself in *the thinking process* that has been associated with the female sex in the society _ and_ has been given lower importance,appreciation and priority by the society compared to the thinking/notions that have been associated to the male sex in the society, by this society.
So, you can be through and through "masculine" ( mannerisms and/or physical characteristics) but still be a staunch Feminist( cuz you can still, afterall, follow the belief that other people who are not as *masculine* as you should not be at a disadvantage in terms of respect,worth and opportunity just because of that).

Actually,the keyword is "notion".Notions of Power/Strength, Hierarchy, Separatist Segregation, Aggression,Victory and Defeat and then those of Creativity, Equatibility,Passivity,Uniformity, Miscibility.What happened is that the former notions have been treated as "masculine" and given priority while the latter notions have been considered "feminine" and since these don't comprise of thinking on the lines of "Hierarchy" and "Power Struggle", so naturally, the aforesaid "masculine" notions, once they got the prod from the society, trampled upon the share of acknowledgement and support that these so called "feminine" notions should have received.And it has never been a respite from that.Why the society gave that supporting push to these "masculine" notions initially and continued, is perhaps understandable from the fact that throughout the evolution, especially since the start, humans evolved fighting physically and struggling with the other species for survival.They couldn't afford priority to their non-combative creativity.Since the male sex was the physically more strong naturally, so they were the ones most involved in the physical struggle for survival..... the women, on the other hand took up a passive role in this physical struggle and thus got more opportunity to develop their non-combative creativity.So now you had two halves : one high on the power struggle tactics and agression, the other proficient in creative aspects.Both might have coexisted with equal freedom but the very nature of the notions of aggression and power meant "equitable" survival was not acceptable to the section that grew up and evolved fighting and subduing every other and thus they prevailed over the breathing space of the other section.This resulted in a hierarchical society.... someone always serving someone else.

The subdued ( the predominant women community as well as the economically disadvantaged or creativity-inclined male population) section's rights to survive and flourish was getting more and more trampled over by the other half.The development of Science as a manifestation of creativity and the tremendous support it got took off some of the unrest, but still, the men had the most of the say in this also and moreover the "masculine" ideas prevailed on this as well, resulting into the main thrust on science being weapons and other media of combat and competition for territory .So the unrest was now much specifically confined to the women section of the society.Their creativity was never given the deserved right to survive freely.To add to that, the atrocities against them, domestic and otherwise, were also on the brink...... just what you'd expect for a subdued section in a power hungry social setup.

Hence in the early 1800's , the unrest finally started spilling over. Since in the situation of those years, the only way out for free survival seemed struggle and fight for power, hence Feminism then originated in form of various schools , but the most dominant at that time was the one that wanted a struggle for power for the subdued section, even though they never supported this concept..... afterall they only wanted to engage in their creative field freely, war..combat..power struggle...hierarchy were not what they wanted to live with . Ever since the beginning.Still, as is the fact.... to win the game, you have to become a player in the game first... especially when *not winning the game* is threatening your survival.Over years, the friction had raised the temperatures and suddenly for some decades a very radical school of feminism gained popularity..... that of * we not only want the subdued section on top.... but the the section that has been ruling till now should brought down..... we can't accept them along with us at the upper layers of hierarchy... it's their turn to get trampled upon *.The struggle for an equal society had now turned into a process for revenge.Which again, obviously, was not the solution..... even if it had ever reached its radical goal after an inevitable disaster and destruction imminent in case of a revenge.But soon enough, a part of this section realised that reversing the hierarchy would result in nothing but, another hierarchy.And hierarchy, combat, power dynamics was what this section had been principled against, that was the very reason they weren't in the other section.This school of thought now gained the widest acceptance, for the practical reasonings it was giving for the aim not being the reversal of the power structure, but dilution of it.The male section that was creativity inclined and formed a part of this section but had moved out at the onset of the Science revolution of the 1800's , had also seen world wars and other devastations...... post World War, they started coming back into its fold.Feminism had finally found its correct aim, the complete member base and started moving on with popular acceptance and support from that point onwards.

So, finally Feminism is now defined as the line of thought that calls for equal opportunity, respect,worth and acceptance of all sections of the human society , their thoughts , their way of life and their work irrespective of economic, sexual,racial or political distinctions.These notions of creativity, aggression, etc are present in all of us, albeit in different proportions and amounts.... they got differently associated with two separate sexes because situation forced them to evolve in two different ways which meant a majority of one half developed one pattern and a majority of other half developed another pattern.Now that the people realise that stereotyping in such a way will infringe upon an individual's choices, preferences and freedom to pursue a certain way of life...so a Feminist would hope that some day, a guy opting for fashion designing would get as much respect as the one who's busy annexing firms and bringing down the competition in the markets, as long as they are both putting sufficient efforts in their respective lines.Nor would it raise an eyebrow if in some case the wife is an engineer working on field and the husband wants to look after the children, as long as they want to do it.The churning is already there, at least in the world of most of you who are reading this.But needs to percolate to other corners and depths of the society as well.

The only thing is that this process , is still in the stages of getting organized...... the message has not yet percolated down to a lot of its followers and others as well that it is not merely about equality between "sexes" ( the women issues,dowry et al).... it is about the equality in all aspects of survival......healthy, free existence and betterment of the state of life.No wonder all the renowned feminists of the finally prevalent school of thought raise their eyebrows when great chunks of people still don't have the idea clear.Merriam Webster and others still define feminism as :

Pronunciation: 'fe-m&-"ni-z&m
Function: noun
1 : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
2 : organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests

Which is not surprising because the biggest hurdle, the biggest problem that feminism has to remedy is Women's issues.......... it forms the biggest section of the member base they are addressing and hence, their right to survive and that too , equally well as their advantaged counterparts, will require the biggest thrust.Moreso in a place like India where baby girls are still throttled in pockets of Rajasthan and where there are entire villages in Madhya Pradesh where all the 5-6 brothers marry a single female just because female foeticide caused the female population to vanish from their region entirely (At least, those of you who've read India Today or Outlook around the start of this year would have already known it, I guess).Not to mention, the dowry deaths whose statistics still point an accusing finger even at the educated and the economically well-off classes......... the pseudo modern and much of the nouveau riche.

=====================================
=====================================

Ummm....... hmmm...... much of that on a serious note, but here's something that Smithy suggested me to do so I'll do that.
The Cafe Mocha Discussion, apart from this Feminist Theory thing, had also stepped into relationships and friend circles and the type of people one hangs out with. In her recent post "The better friend" , she'd written the following :

" Soumabh introduced me to a nice thought. How about redefining 'masculinity' and 'feminity' from meaning 'behaviour exhibited by that sex' to 'aggressive, focussed, determined, active' and 'passive, creative, abstract, meditative'. Thus each trait may be displayed to some extent and in some combination by either gender.

I like that thought a lot. Except it doesn't explain why I invariably have a horde of guy friends and few select women friends."

to which I had replied, in her favourite language : Mathematics :)
Though I have no intention of torturing my dear readers any further, still smithy thinks my analysis is good enuff to be put up at my blog.So there :)
Here is what I commented at her blog :

" Except it doesn't explain why I invariably have a horde of guy friends and few select women friends

That, because time didn't allow me to take up the other aspect in our discussion.Can't see mumbai in immediate future :) so will touch a bit on that here.
Since you like mathematics, let's do it that way :)

If A:(agressive,focussed,determined,active)
and
B:(passive, creative, abstract, meditative)
Then quantifiably, an individual would be represented by a ratio A:B Let's call this unique ratio, "(R)i"
Right? :)
Then for two persons "1" and "2", we can have a difference parameter
D = |(R1 - R2)|
( he he, i can see some people tearing their hair right now ;) )
So, the deciding factor is "D"
Now,it all depends upon whether a person
[a] wants to acquaint with/feels more interested in people who have a greater "D" value w.r.t himself/herself.Perhaps on the lines of things-distinctively-different-catch-my-attention
OR
[b] wants to acquaint with/feels more comfortable with people who have a low "D" value w.r.t. him/her.You know, that more-on-the-same-wavelength thing.

The choice between [a] and [b] , and how sharp a choice it is, will vary from person to person.As will it on the temporal lines, for a particular person under consideration.Right now you choose [a], 15 years later you might go in for [b], meaning you've *attained and are satisfied with* or *on digging further you realise you really don't like* that "different" set which amused/interested you earlier.

And whenever one chooses [a] , it might be cuz he/she yearns to changeover to the "(R)i" value of that *different* set or else cuz being surrounded, throughout time , by a set of different "(R)i" value would make one appreciate his/her uniqueness aptly.

Which was your case, now you guess :)
And if you feel a temporal change progressively taking place in your choice between [a] and [b], you might well be able to guess at which stage of this change you are and predict where eventually you'll like to anchor down in the present situation.

And for all the people who hate me for this huge comment, at least feel grateful that it wasn't at your blog ;)
ciao"

Okay, so if you've read this post till the end i guess you must be huffing-panting badly.Go get some rest.I know it's too much for a single post :)

Awwwwwh.... gaaaaawwwd !!

2005-10-30T06:01:00.000-08:00

If only I could have had this night everytime the sun fell down......

Standing in the line.
Believing the lies
Bowing down to the flag....
...grrr..... braindead....
You got a bullet in your head !

A bullet in your head !

A bullet in your head !

YOU GOT A BULLET IN YOUR FUCKIN' HEAAADDDDD !!

( "Bullet In Your Head" - Rage Against The Machine / R.A.T.M. ----- one of the numbers Alter Ego did)

The Synchronicity vidz came on the LAN today....... was watching them.... reliving the madness... the frenzy.These pics are the captures from them.

Now going through all the hard work , nightouts and the running around that we people did for this event, all that has paid off....... and paid off so well.This sea of swaying hands....... the crowd........ and of course, one good dose of ROCK ! What else could anyone want? Still remember how just 3 months ago, me and Pathak (my batchmate and culsecy here) were going through the grind in the mumbai summer....... the torturous internship.... and then exerting ourselves to get through to companies as well in search of sponsorship.The ICICI was one deal we really wanted to snatch from mumbai for Antaragni...... and how we did prepare for that day we went for a presentation and persuasion trial at ICICI Bandra Kurla HQ.The deal did come through...... in a figure of lakh.... and nothing would have gladdened me more than the fact that ICICI wanted to sponsor nothing else but yeah... exclusively, SYNCHRONICITY !!

And when the crowd screamed out to Them Clones for more even after they had stopped, we all knew efforts didn't go in waste.As for them Clones, of course they couldn't deny that demand from such a good audience.What more could anyone want??

Here, get a video clip of that scene...... aaaahhh... it must be so heartening for any and every one who's toiled hard for an event like this.
[ Click the link and in the megaupload page that opens up, find the download countdown/ download link at around the top right corner of the page ]

crowd_demands - clip

And here are two more small video shots for you to get a glimpse of the peaks of frenzy.

small Alter Ego clip
small Them Clones clip

Phew...... classes tomorrow again, better touch ground now :)
Still trying to collect pics of this year's Synchronicity, from other ppl....... will put up good number of pics in a post soon.
Everyone, ROCKKK ON !!!!!!

And nevermind my loss of sanity that occurs at places in these few posts.Happens only once a year, afterall :)

P.S. Btw, if you want bigger chunks of the Synchronicty 2005 videos, lemme know.

ROCK You Like A Hurricane !!

2005-10-26T06:47:00.000-07:00

Awwww....... it was that time of the year... that one night when the real me comes out of all the realms that had it hidden........ no inhibitions, no concerns, no limits.... when I really don't care if the whole world goes to hell and takes me along with it.As the steely guitars strum out the death out of the dark of the night, and the heavy drums pound the heart with unrelenting aggression......... this is it...... this is what I'm living to see, to listen, to feel........ this is what I'll die to have! One huge rush of blood to the head... yeah, Coldplay said it allright..... just so right !
For the ones who are still flummoxed by what I said........ It's the one thing... the one night that I crave for, work for, and wait for all through the year... every year ever since i stepped into IIT Kanpur.Yup..... SYNCHRONICITY... IIT-K's Rock Concert !! Each year it gets better and better ...... and every year seems it's the best of what I can ever get.
This time it were Alter Ego, Sceptre and Them Clones.And the best thing was that this year IIT K launched its own rock bunch as well.... they called themselves Crescent Sun . The show started with Crescent Sun taking to the stage and they played out loud Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song..... next on the playlist were Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb, Iron Maiden's Blood Brothers and again Led Zep's Whole Lotta Love.Alter Ego's guitarist even came up and congratulated maah batchmate Shwetank who played the lead and the solo of Comfortably Numb.
Next up were Alter Ego.......... an out and out punk rock act from Delhi, they perhaps played their originals better than the covers... I felt.Their originals "Uncle Damn" and "The Bomb Song" rocked nice n good..... but I guess The Bomb Song just stood out much clean and safe from the rest.
Then came the turn of the bands that did cost us more than the rest to bring in.... Sceptre ( from Bombay) and Them Clones ( from Delhi ).First up was Sceptre........ a total Thrash Metal band.... and they lived upto that.Headbanging like a mad mad, frenzied crowd, our heads could have fallen off and eardrums would have gone numb.... had they not stopped before we dropped dead.These guys rocked that night like anything......... not an inch of the huge campus could escape the quakes that their songs were causing.They did a Metallica medley (aaah... what else do you want.... bloody what else ??!! huh?? ), Slayer and Ozzy Osbourne/Black Sabbath mostly.Ozzy's "Paranoid" was there to close their playlist and it couldn't have been better.
Now comes the last in the line up........ Them Clones. Started off with Limp Bizkit's "Take a Look Around".Gaaaawwwwdddd Daaaaammmmnnnnnnnn !!!!!!!!!! I got gleefully thrashed, smashed by that act standing then and there.Total frenzy all over the grounds!! No one could stop themselves from the headbang....... even the entire girlie group from KNC Delhi and some more colleges got up and went mad with headrush !! Maaah Gaawwwd.... THIS_IS_ROCK ..... FOR_REAL !!
But the best thing about Them Clones is their versatility..... they can play _Anything_ ! Apart from the fact that they play perhaps the best covers of all bands.Proving that point was them playing out Scorpions' "Rock You Like A Hurricane" as well.Followed up with their original.... "Zoopertrip".. one kick ass song !!
And then came the moment of my life ............ nothing...... and i say _nothing_ that has ever happened to me can take the place of this moment of biggest joy, surprise and gush of adrenalin.
I have been perhaps the biggest worshipper, fanatic , and listener of Coldplay ever since I first heard their song "Yellow" and forgot everything around.Four years of Coldplay and their songs, i never had the faintest hope that any band in Synchronicity would ever play Coldplay....... knowing that most ppl would consider them as "soft" compared to the stuff usually played out in Synchronicity.
But Them Clones..... they are God...... and they were born just for me....... that night they gave me the gift of my life.They had just finished playing Zoopertrip I guess.All this time of the entire show..... I had been sitting at the side of the stage near the bands........ headbanging the life out of my body.All of a sudden, their vocalist, Prithwish, grabbed an acoustic guitar ........ and had only strummed a few strings when suddenly i realised I was listening to something I had never imagined any band would play out for this Coldplay fanatic in any Synchronicity.Yesss..... it was Coldplay... and to make perfection even more perfect , the song was "Yellow".Been sitting beside the stage....... I suddenly jumped out of sheer shock.. and awe !! These goddamned rockers were bloody setting my world on fire with Coldplay's Yellow........ the Soumabh Sen who got up and ran , danced and headbanged all around the place that night during the song, had never been seen or revealed to any of the souls in IIT Kanpur campus........... some of my pals had got scared like hell...... others thought this teetotaller , no-drugs-no-addiction arse had finally tasted some.But he didn't........ and he was the happiest soul on planet earth that moment...... happier than ever in his life...... could have burst out and shot off to every dark infinity of the night.F*** every craving... f*** every worry........ f*** everything that can dare to tie me down.... I never had anything, I never needed anything else in that moment.
uhhhhhh.... gosh !! One night in every year, I'd die to get this raw fanatic out of me and set him free like a hurricane on loose !

P.S. As always every year, have been through n through busy with organising this event during these days of the year.... so couldn't even get any snaps myself....... am trying to collect snaps taken by others...... will make a pics-splattered-post soon on this to give you a glimpse into some moments of heaven on earth.

Synchronicity.......

For you, I'll bleed myself dry!
( "Yellow"-Coldplay)

Buck Up IITK.... Buck Up !!

2005-09-30T01:43:00.000-07:00

There are people who are not like me.Then there are people who are like me.And it's they who have a real bad habit of nit-picking.Even some stupid things get them very restless.Maybe coz they simply have nothing worthwhile to do.
So here I was, harping on the bland IIT Kanpur website whenever I had to visit it.Culfests, Sport fests, Tech fests , SIIC .... all things IITK, had good to wonderful websites.But for the wasted ones like me, cursing the IITK homepage were the most meaningful utterings.Sleepy eyed when I woke up today though, I was pleasantly surprised as I chanced upon the IITK site while I was busy with my first-thing-in-the-morning activity..... the useless, pointless, everything-less random browsing on the net.
Wo...ho...ho.... the site's got me shooting off kisses to the webmasters for the first time :P
The new theme is followed through all of the pages .... and what's more, it's actually good.So now, no more cribbing about some other IITs having more spiced up sites.Absolutely not ! For once, the people looking after the IITK website have done a really good job :)
BTW, this is the my favorite page on the site IITK-DRPG ...... just loved the thoughtfully put up image of the famed FacB spiral staircase

Links to IIT websites:

IIT K

IIT B

IIT D

IIT KGP

IIT R

IIT G

IIT M

Okay, enuff.Now, back to studies.Second midsems hanging over my head :(

Till I Blog Again...

2005-09-28T02:26:00.000-07:00

Here's one of the recently written pieces from my poetry blog to keep you busy :)
Also, I just found out that smithy dear has tagged me....... I'll take that up soon.
And yea, lastly, I have my second midsem exams in the coming week.
Aaaaaaaaaarrrghh ! >:
-------------------------------

-= Firefly =-
__________

Blessed is the sinful ray,
That ruptures the satin black.
As it filters through the morning dew
Shivering sensuously on the tendril's curves,
And fades to a mellow death
Enraptured, as it kisses your skin
Smooth like honey, Sweet as caramel.

Soon the dawn would arise to a brilliant glow
That suffuses from your face,
Into the crimson horizon.
While I gaze hypnotized, mesmerized
At the delicate silhouette of you
Melting into the morning haze

The night would again befall,
When the candles flow onto you
A soft yellow of their light
As you shimmer and sparkle
Brighter than all their might.

But this is me, just a firefly
Watching you float into your dreams
As I shine on you, the glow of my burn.
Ensconced in your sweet slumber,
You wouldn't know who was afire
Around you, the entire night.

And when the morning comes,
You'll wake up, kissed by the sinful ray
Yet again.
My light would dim, and die out
As I hide myself from the mocking sun.
And wait till the moment again,
When I'll burn onto you with all my might
And become your unseen and unknown,
Firefly in the night.

: ~Sen~

About Me?

2005-09-19T19:41:00.000-07:00

I was tired of the same old stupid "about me" written on my orkut profile since ages now.That being an excuse enough, I finally got down to write something today for that space and ended up writing some verses......... another thing that had been untouched for a long time.Who knows, more might be coming soon :)

"Naked feet on the torrid sand,
I'll traverse this ocean of nothingness
As the trails of my footprints
Slit across its bloodless heart.
And they won't disappear, ever
Like the mirage of silhouettes
That walk upon this voiceless land

I'll stumble and fall,
As I climb the jagged slopes
Look up to the parched horizon
The sun burnished to a red
But still not thick as the colour
Of the blood that I bled.

Shine on me,
The fire of your burn
That guides my footsteps,
And slowly chars the rest of me.
I might fissure under the blaze
Crumble down and kiss the earth.
But as the darkness spreads over
And the tired sun fades out
The imperishable spark of my spirit
Would light the ashes,
From which I'd rise
Like a Phoenix in the night.
'Cause it'd soon be another day
Another day, in the crucial war
Of the untiring traveller
And the scorching rays."
: ~Sen~

ta - da tada ta - da :)

2005-09-07T03:16:00.000-07:00

I get up, when I'm down
I can't swim,
But my soul won't drown
I do believe , I've got flair
I've got speed ,
And I'm walking on air !

Coz God gave me soul in your rock'n roll, babe..
Coz God gave me soul in your rock'n roll

And I get so high, I just can't feel it
Aww..
And I get so high , I just can't feel it !!

:Oasis

The first midsems just over and for once, it didn't go that bad.
And for all about my decision to give extra curriculars a rest and put straight my academics this year, things are seemingly looking up.
A bit. Exciting, nevertheless.
Nothing is impossible. Darn.. they really were true !

Yea...Yea.... That's more like it , Garfy ! :D

2005-08-31T06:37:00.000-07:00

INDECISION. Killing It Finally

2005-08-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

Hamlet was a moron.

And I ain't.
There's a certain point upto which I can afford to get mired in confusion.
After that, I have to break the cycle that brings me to the crossroads again and again.
If I'm unsure about whether I'm going to try to hold onto a thing as it moves further and further away,
Then I have to be sure about when to stop that hesitant chase.
The decision to end the indecision.
Cuz we can't have everything we want, all the time.
Cuz we have to end that 'want' when it becomes pointless.
And view some things from the distance only.
Why always try to barge in and keep searching for what isn't there.
Sometimes we need to just wave a hand from far away.
Instead of trying to shake hands and realise it could be a loose one.
Because anyways
There are far more crucial things waiting to be done,
Rather than chasing some self built illusion.
Just another thing I'm learning.

Indecision.
Now killed.
So, Erase ..... Rewind .
And Play it normal.
The tape would not get entangled and stuck this time.

Heh .... people, clueless about this one ? Never mind.
Someone's learning things quickly.
That's all you need to know.
So, let us all just heave a sigh of relief.
And say.... cheeeeez !!

Listening to : " Lithium " - NIRVANA

Another IRIS , perhaps.

2005-08-16T17:35:00.000-07:00

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you

And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew

And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way

What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway

But what's the point in never trying.
Nothing's changing anyway.

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say.

And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway.

And you know I see right through you
As the world gets in your way
But what's the point in all this screaming.

You're not listening anyway.

: Goo Goo Dolls ( The hidden song in their album "Dizzy Up The Girl" )

This song's not stopped playing since 24 hours.
Will it become the second Iris for me?

[ ]

2005-08-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

Tujhse Naaraaz nahi Zindagi,
Hairaan Hoon Main.

Hairaan Hoon Main.

Sometimes there are these moments which leave you completely flummoxed.
Astounded.
Speechless.

And then you take a deep breath.
Give out a "Huff.."
And move ahead,unfluttered.
Thinking no more about what is wrong and what not.
What Is actually taken to be, And what really should have been.
'Cause sometimes, you really should not let it matter.
Anyhow.

Life, I adore you.
Even when you block my view standing in front.
'Cause somehow still, I feel you standing beside.

Self ramblings in the middle of a crowd

2005-08-11T01:12:00.000-07:00

Yup, I'm running hard..... real fast.After spending three years involving myself with anything and everything else that this place offered, I've decided that in this last year at least I'll set right the things that I'd actually come here for.Academics.Yes, it's been in quite a mess.Might even have to stay back an extra semester for a course i'd flunked in while heading the team of Synchronicity'04 ( The annual rock concert here).Meaning that I might not be graduating in May 2006, rather, in Dec 2006 after doing the July-Dec semester :( And yes, there are and will be many who'd be in my shoes or worse ones but wouldn't have suddenly tried to such mighty undo the academic sins just coz of some grand realisation at the 11th hour.But then, all that's not tempting for me anymore.Whatever I had to do , wherever I had to reach in the extra-curriculars, I've done all of it.And i'm happy to have got cheers from the people for that.But I can't..... I just can't keep on digesting the fact that I'm behind so many people in the race of some numbers.Everytime I sit in a lecture now, the only thought is " Fine, you're this , this and this outside this lecture hall........ but what about when sitting here? What, studies are something that isn't good enough a race to try your hands on? Or are you now just a mere escapist? Through with whatever else you wanted and still want to steer away from this *mundane* thing? Coward!" And so it is now.I need to do this.I definitely need to give my best shot in acads now.Not that it would bring any significant change in my overall grades........ not that it would all of a sudden brighten my chances of landing even in a decent job.But I need this for myself.I'd begun believing other's doubts about me ever trying to score good here and getting it too.And that's what I need to slay inside myself.Just like three years ago, in my attempts to get in here in this much craved place.
Hffff........things.You get to know the hurdles only when you actually put yourself into the race trying to beat them.No more putting off assignments, delaying term papers and missing classes.Self imposed reformation.Yea, it's painful...... but can't let myself go without trying to win this one last race here.
Uhhh.... that's all been going on inside my head all these days.And somehow, I'm relieved that it is.Neways, on a lighter , brighter side..... I've finally got hold of Fiona Apple's song "Never Is A Promise" thanks to another music crazy head , Priyanka Joseph.

And yea, I'm giving it out as well....... pick it up from here but before 17th August... after that this file would disappear from the link.

"Never" Is A Promise : Fiona Apple

You'll never see the courage i know
its colors' richness won't appear within your view
i'll never glow , the way that you glow
Your presence dominates
the judgements made on you

But as the scenery grows,
I see in different lights
the shades and shadows
undulate in my perception
my feelings swell and stretch
i see from greater heights
i understand what I am still too proud
to mention to you

You'll say you understand
but you don't understand
you'll say you'd never give up
seeing eye to eye
but "never" is a promise
and you can't afford to lie

you'll never touch
these things that i hold
the skin of my emotions
lies beneath my own
you'll never feel
the heat of this soul
my fever burns me deeper
than i've ever shown to you

you'll say don't fear your dreams
it's easier than it seems
you'll say you'd never let me fall
from hopes so high
but "never" is a promise
and you can't afford to lie

you'll never live the life that i live
i'll never live the life
that wakes me in the night
you'll never hear the message i give
you'll say it looks as though i might
give up this fight

but as the scenery grows,
i see in different lights
the shades and shadows
undulate in my perception
my feelings swell and stretch
i see from greater heights
i realize what i am now too smart
to mention to you

you'll say you understand,
you'll never understand
i'll say i'll never wake up
knowing how or why
i don't know what to believe in
you don't know who i am
you'll say i need appeasing
when i start to cry
but "never" is a promise
and i'll "never" need a lie

The Abrupt Standstill

2005-08-02T08:28:00.000-07:00

102 temperature.
Piercing headache.
Sweltering heat.
And the entire world coming onto you.

Sometimes you really wish you were a robot.
No pain , No sensation.
Nothing to make you feel good , But nothing to make you feel bad either.
I wish I was.

- ============= -

2005-07-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

- Dido Armstrong

I know....it's been much of lyrics being splattered all over since the last couple of days.But I'll be back to writing with my own words soon , very soon.
--------------------------------------
Till then, some more :D

Is there anybody out there who,
Is lost and hurt and lonely too.

Are they bleeding all your colours into one?

And if you come undone,
As if you've been run through
Some catapult it fired you .

You'll wonder if your chance will ever come,
Or if you're stuck in square one.

: "Square One" by Coldplay

A New Blog For The Haps in the Next Two Months .....

2005-05-22T02:50:00.000-07:00

Yup.......my coming two months of Mumbai warranted a new separate space for the scribblings......so find me here :
http://www.thebombaysummer.blogspot.com
....hurry up, and catch up with me !!
:D

Whew!! Pheww!! ........ Yeeeeeeeeee hooooo!!!!

2005-05-16T20:30:00.000-07:00

Hold on........Hold on......let me catch a breath.....it's been three days in mumbai and i'm going mad!!
got a lot of news to give.....my first tryst with the local train agony........my first day at the company......my first .....my second ....my third.......awww.......it's such a mixed bag!!
okay.......the whole story coming up this weeked.....not before that.....too busy 8:00-20:00 ........in fact i just hopped off from the bus in front of IIT powai n thought i'd touch the keyboard at a cyber cafe that i'm delighted to locate here just a while ago......oh...neways....here're some totally random ramblings till then to keep you busy...
1] Quickest way to suicide: try to catch a local train at Dadar
2] biggest triumph : returning alive everyday after that experience.
4] Green"est" campus: IIT Mumbai
5] @ Ideasmithy n Dreamcatcher : Yea, the original's by beatles......but I like Fiona's version much much much much more than theirs......one more example of the cover sounding better to me than the original....."The First Cut is The Deepest" by Sheryl Crow......which is infiinite times more dear to me than the original version by Cat Stevens......n don't worry.....come july....and i'll put all these aforesaid covers and originals at you-know-where.
T.S.U.G members...it's a long wait....but then...just.....wait :/

okay i gotta leave now.....else will miss the dinner at hall 12 mess :(

P.S. : saturday i gonna blog.......ding da ding :) ....but mumbai walllaahs....tell me some cyber cafe around powai or parel or dadar station.......the one i found out at iit gate (n where i'm currently sitting typing this shittiest post )really really suuuuuuckkkks !!!!!!

CIAO !!

mindless scribbling

2005-05-06T02:56:00.000-07:00

"Across The Universe" - Fiona Apple

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe.
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing me.

Jai Guru Deva Om..
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe.
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box,
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe.

Jai Guru Deva Om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter, shades of earth are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me.
Limitless, undying love, which shines around me like a million suns,
And calls me on and on across the universe.

The blot on the blog.

2005-05-06T02:25:00.000-07:00

Perhaps I've become an Idiot.
I really have.
Venting something pent up on somewhere else.
I suck.

Does the news of flunking in a course you've never expected to, do the same to everyone?
Okay, so now you all know.
Someone rightly said.
I need to grow up.I hope I do.
Perhaps accepting this is the first step.

And I won't stretch it any further.Erase , rewind and take a break for a day or two at least.
And you all are free to forsake this moronic blog and blogger anytime.Or hang around to see how one makes a fool of himself.
Perhaps I'll be back to myself again.Soon.

...and since I'm NOT hanging from the ceiling fan....

2005-04-30T18:20:00.000-07:00

..hence here's a peek into my life from tomorrow to the next 2.483870967 months ( IITians suck when they blog :D ) :

1st May : Sunday, bloody Sunday ! and i'll be studying.Aaaarghh!
2nd May : Two endsemester papers of three hours each.That's why I'll be studying :|
3rd and 4th May : Make a term paper.And maybe write another poem at my poetry blog :)
5th may : Submit it.What else, hah?
6th to 8th May : Dunno....well, I'm definitely "supposed" to study.Oh yes, definitely....definitely.Absolutely.
9th May : Appear for a make-up exam of Hydraulics paper ( Was lying dead on Hospital bed while others of my ilk were fighting it out at the examination hall) So that's why I'm supposed to study as aforesaid.
10th May : Whew!! finally taste some redemption.
12th May : Even more redemption :) Leaving for MUMBAI !!!!!!!!! eeeeeyyyyyaaaaahhh!! I need this.....I need this break soooooooooo badly !
16th May : My summer training at Jayant Tipnis Consultants Mumbai finally starts.
Till 16th July (tentative) : Mumbai life, drudgery of work and I'm confused which smiley to put :) or :(
16th July : Back to Lucknow/Kanpur. Definitely ":( " .Sure this time.

Duh......and I didn't even need to gaze at the crystal ball.

....and before leaving, I'll tell you that I'm listening to Tonic's "Head On Straight" right now, and so....yea....you got it right......irritatingly enough yet again after a long time, I'll close with the lyrics :)

TONIC- "Head On Straight"

I don't want be the one who hurts you
I don't want to be the one who fails
I'm keeping my head on straight
So you can trust me again

I struggled all my life with empty moments
The shadow of a hole I'd never fill
Any happiness I had was empty
It wasn't good enough, I wanted love

I'm keeping my head on straight
So you can trust me again
I'm keeping my head on straight
So you can trust me again

I don't want to think of life without you
I don't want to take a step alone
It scares me to think I almost lost you
Just let me know you're fine, I'm on the line

I'm keeping my head on straight
So you can trust me again
I'm keeping my head on straight
So you can trust me again

I'm thinking of our whole life baby
Won't you help me find a way
I'm thinking of our whole life baby
Won't you help me find my way....

I don't want to be the one who hurts you
I just want to know that you're all right

I'm keeping my head on straight
So you can trust me again
I'm keeping my head on straight
So you can trust me again
You can trust me again
Trust me again

By The Way,if ye all want to have some mp3's from my 28 GB (yes, 28 GB and growing :) ) music collection to be transported to your comp without a penny or sweat........just hold on for a few days.......I have a long pending plan for something....but am not able to take out the damned time for it :(
But by the time I leave for Mumbai, it'll surely be in place.And it should work fine.
Gul has had a hint.Ask her :)

Okay, I didn't hang myself by the ceiling fan...

2005-04-19T19:13:00.000-07:00

....instead, came back last night from Lucknow.Still not fully okay...but what the hell am I supposed to do ? Exams start this Monday !!
Thought I needed something new, or something renewed around me....... so when I saw Ideasmithy screaming out at my comment box telling me to do something about my blog's template, here I was.......staying awake late at night to make a fully c-u-s-t-o-m-i-z-e-d template for myself. Alternative career prospects...duh? Blogger.com peepaaaal......listen up, listen up!!
Okee.....gotta do a truckload of pending stuffs now...... so again, a disappearing act.Keep staring at this template till then :D

Life's worst joke on me :(

2005-04-13T11:08:00.000-07:00

I was hoping it would stop.Someday.Someway.But no, it just wouldn't.And I'm no longer waiting for it to stop.This whole semester I've not been spared any ailment.One ends, another one gets up to greet.

November saw me skidding off the road from a bike on a rainy morning and there was my thumb."Strong bones" said the doctors.So what happened if not the fracture? Dislocated :( Two months hence that got allright and I thought things would be smooth now.Come birthday and I am greeted by viral fever.That takes away another week.Stepped out of the Health Centre......was taking a sigh of relief.It had been only a few days and then it was the turn of Asthma to bring everything to a standstill for another two weeks.And now when I've started breathing fine, here comes the latest one.I stumble , fall and gift my tail bone with a reason to ache (Don't laugh.You don't know how long it takes me now to sit up after sleeping or to stand up after sitting or all vice versa :( ).So it's now literally, a pain in my ass.

Come tomorrow and papa's coming to take me to Lucknow.Again a series of doctors, prescriptions, medicines.....yuk!! And oh yea....the greatest news of all....my endsems start on 25th april ! This semester's already been ransacked to you-know-what-extent.And I'm barely managing to scrape through.Let's consider the worst case.I'm not able to give the exams.So I appear for the make-up ones two weeks later which the profs make 3 times difficult to score (This is IIT Kanpur, and humans don't live here.Just in case you forgot).Now consider the silver lining....suppose I flunk in a course or two.So now I'll have backlogs and won't pass out in the 2006 convocation.So I then stay back another semester before finally I get my ass out of here.Not that I won't have company from some other "stars" from my batch. DARN !!Do I need any more reason to hang myself by the ceiling fan?

Oh....and how could I leave THIS out.First the news : Sitting in my room, warming my aching ass, I've been handed a stipended summer internship at Mumbai....some Jayant Tipnis Constructions.Well, in case you didn't know....that's one of the good things about this place.You don't "go" and "search" for internships (unless of course you really wanna go where your girlfriend lives and she's threatened to dump you if you don't.Else, you'd perhaps have to be a little less lazy , a little more rokda-minded than me to get somewhere you're dying to ) ....also had an option at RMSI Ltd Noida...but those assholes later told us they're going to pay us a miniscule 2.5 k pm.For what, eating bhel puri?.Eh.....neways,will stay at IIT Mumbai perhaps, if it's not "impossible" to commute from there to J-T's office .... it's somewhere called "New Prabhadevi Road",wherever that is.I don't have a clue.Perhaps you Mumbai-waalaahs could throw some light.And now the bad part....I'm supposed to join there on 16th May...... and also give the make-ups during that time.Uhhh.Now foregoing the internship would be worse than jumping off from the sixth floor of the faculty Building.I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping my ass gets back to normal so I don't have to wait till make-up exams.

But then beneath all the above attempts to make light of the situation, it's really getting onto my nerves now.I'm tired of this unending series of ailments.And all the complications they are leading my career into.Perhaps I'll find some rest and forget about everything for a few days back home.I really need to.It doesn't matter what happens to internship.It doesn't matter if I flunk in some damned subject.It doesn't matter if I don't attend Convocation'06 .It doesn't matter , till this phase ends.Mommy used to scold me for being careless at things necessary that I don't like to do.But she once said, I'm too strong to get bogged down by the failures or adversities either...whether of my own making or the one up there.At least the latter one's something good for me.No wonder there's still a smile on my face right now while inside my body, this piercing pain is trying to break me down.

This blog will remain silent for some days after tomorrow.I just hope it's not too long.And I hope you're hoping for that too.

Ciao.

How to use my smileys on a SHOUTMIX's shoutbox

2005-04-07T02:08:00.000-07:00

If you have a shoutbox provided by http://www.shoutmix.com on your blog, and if you want to use my smileys as present in the shoutbox here, then just follow these clear n simple steps :

[1] Go to http://www.shoutmix.com
[2] Login into your account there
[3] Then, on the page that appears, look for the link "Custom Smileys" under the heading "SETTINGS" on the Left side of the page.Click this "Custom Smileys" link
[4] In this page that comes up :

# For the "Default" field ,select "Disable default smileys"

# For the "Directory" field, type this address: http://geocities.com/soumabhsen/Pic_host/smiley/

# For the "Smileys" field, carefully copy n paste THIS list here :
1.gif|8)
2.gif|:)
3.gif|:(
4.gif|;)
5.gif|:D
6.gif|:P
7.gif|:p
8.gif|>:|
9.gif|:S
91.gif|:s
94.gif|o.o
95.gif|:O
96.gif|:o
97.gif|@)
98.gif|8D
99.gif|:z:
991.gif|8|
992.gif|:|

[5] Click "Save the settings" button
[6] Log out !
[7] Visit your blog's shoutbox and refresh a few times.That's it!!

IRIS

2005-03-29T21:22:00.001-08:00

"Iris" is playing on my Winamp and I just can't seem to get enough of it.The song that will always be called the best Goo Goo Dolls can ever deliver, their true masterpiece.The song that has the distinction of enrapturing the mind of a listener in the very first time itself.The song that did justice to the beauty of a movie : "City Of Angels" , like no other song ever can.The song that makes you fall on your knees and worship it.This is "Iris" and it's a privilege to get to hear it in one's lifetime.

"IRIS" - Goo Goo Dolls

"I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

All I could taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
The sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

You can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am . "

4 Years.That's it. On Your Mark .Get Set. GO !

2005-03-27T17:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was mostly spent blogging around.And in the later part, pondering over and sketching up my career.It all started at IdeaSmithy's blog, where she scribbled about her MBA experience and its importance.Since that was what even I had "almost" planned to do, I shot her some questions.And pondered over some more myself.In the meantime, up came her comprehensive reply (I must thank her for this) and I had already started making some concrete plans for the future up ahead.And delving into it, I realised how very crucial this current stage is for my life.This is where the things can take a turn, for good or for worse.And the thought that I was almost unaware with no properly decided course of action,sort of gave me jitters, I must admit.
So there was I, sorting it out for myself.Considering all the possibilities,eventualities, drawing up plans, what to do, what not to do.Ummm.....CGPA's not enough, so gotta work at it in the remaining semesters.MBA entrance to be given a serious shot, so getting all ready for it.And a disciplined, regimented life.It's absolutely necessary now, considering that I've set myself a target in the coming 4 years.In 4 years, I have to get myself safely placed and comfortably saddled in a position that's at least paying me ------- (No, I won't disclose the figure, You might not laugh, But then, You might :) ).
Have now charted out my day's itinerary even.Wakin' up early morn (that's not a prob, I usually wake up at 4:00 !!), Yoga-a must (mommy would be the happiest to hear this), attend all lectures (no more being choosy about "interesting" courses and profs), not more than three contacts with the internet in a day (each not exceeding 30 mins, except the occasional one where I'm making a post on my blog or scribbling some poetry on the text pad or again, the blog ), only two activities on the net :Blog and mail (kick Orkut, and everything else!) , and the rest of the time : [1]studies,[2]CAT prep, and [3]some event organizational part in which I'm always dragged into by ppl here.....i.e. PR work,getting sponsors, blah blah...but then, I enjoy it too( But yea, that is to be the third and the last in that list, for sure.Else, everything breaks down!).I know, life is gonna be hot now.But this is not the first time I'm charting out everything so elaborately. I've done it at least twice : JEE and Antaragni'04 (our cul-fest, for those who didn't know).But this time, the stakes are much higher, and the regimen isn't short termed.Perhaps it's time again to say that pre-JEE punchline to myself : "YOU are the best judge of your capabilities.NO ONE ELSE is, neither can be".
4 years.That's what it is.Out of which one year in passing out from here.Two years in MBA if I do it without going for a job after grad(In which case, only one year for the actual hands-on experience in the corporate world).Or else, first the job.Either ways, it is HOT.And dithering, I am NOT.

Wish me luck my pals.Yeh ladka to nikal pada, to bend his world on his terms.
Somebody cheer for him.Please.

A Bookmark Post :/

2005-03-26T21:20:00.001-08:00

I just found out some useful posts on some blogs.Posts that are helping me make a decision, or complicating it further :( .And I'm going to keep their links at one place out here.I need to.

Jaya Jha's Blog :
(Both posts on same page)
A year at IIM-L
Word Of Wisdom ( a must-read, especially for a warped thinker like me ;) )

Nakul Mandan's Blog :
Me...Another MBA Grad
Why MBA??
IIT+IIM=? (..and this post echoes me loud and aloud!!)
A Lot Has Changed....(IIM-L..1st Yr --> 2nd Yr)

The Poet rises, once again.And falls back to slumber.Yet Again.

2005-03-25T18:43:00.000-08:00

The Illusioned Delusion in the Hallucinations of You

There goes another one
One more moment without you.
And it's beginning to end,
That which never started.
I could even see
The haze finally set in,
As you departed.

Fade out, Fade out.
That's what'll happen to me.
And to you.
As I turn the page.
Onto the next chapter.
Where against your memories,
A new war, I'd wage.
Yet again.

Out of control,
On the high speed lanes
I swerve and skid,
Right at another bend.
The brakes fail me,
As the failures break me.

Crashed and Smashed,
I'm getting dragged away
But it won't matter.
'Cause there's no more of you,
Sitting beside me,
That I'd try to save.

Nothing could have been more sweet.
Your giggles, your chatter.
Your laughter , your tears.
Your cozying upto me in times of fear.
The soft , calm voice.
The sadness, the joy.
The magical, healing touch.
Those delicate, beautiful hands
Of velvet skin.
Touching which ,
Was the most beautiful sin.

These hallucinations,
They were all I could see.
Living all these moments,
Inside my head, like a reality dream.
For I could never tell you,
How I've taken a foot forward,
And two steps backward,
Whenever I've tried to tell you,
My truth.

But now
Even these illusions fade away,
After you're gone.
And with them has disappeared,
All the soothing pleasure,
In which I used to drown.

But some precious pieces,
I could never let go.
Cling on to them tight,
As they too linger, on my mind.
They're my only company,
When I'm alone.
And it's then that I know,
Infatuation for you
Is to what,I'll forever be prone.

But I need to move on,
Even with those hazy pictures,
Of you, in my eyes.
It was a beautiful pause in my life,
When you were around.
But stuck in that moment,
Of that killing but indulging silence
Has torn me apart.

And today the only wish I'd make,
Is that may these pieces,
Of those beautiful illusions,
With me forever stay.
But how I wish,
I never come across you
No, never again.
'Cause my world would freeze,
My breath would stop,
And I'd be numbed forever.
Once Again.

: ~Sen~

I'm off to Lucknow for few days....till then, ma fat cat will keep this blog alive.Almost :)

2005-03-21T21:38:00.000-08:00

Finally, I'm Back :)

2005-03-17T20:29:00.001-08:00

After 4 days of rotting on the hospital bed, I'm finally tasting my world yet again.
More later.
Keep tuned in :)

Not a birthday song....no, definitely not.

2005-03-13T00:26:00.000-08:00

hmmm......Even till last night 'twas all fine.But I don't know what happened when I woke up this morning of my birthday.A vicious , vicious mood swing.Just wasn't feeling right.Some kind of emptiness, some "lack".......I mean something, something was really missing in me.Tried to get drowned in Coldplay and Radiohead.......even tried to surf the net all the morn.But they just didn't work.Finally, the only resort was to pen down poetically whatever I was able to decipher as going on inside me.And the strife, the disappointment all went through different phases , twists and turns and finally , by the time I stopped writing, the way it ended was not what I'd thought it would, when I'd started typing the poem.Hffff....anyways, you also get a taste of the journey of mood swings that I've gone through today.The best part is, writing it out did just the thing I was desperate to get through other medium.The poet, has not died.Perhaps, it never will.

Your Absent Presence

"It's such a mystery, this life.
Isn't it?
How it first lends a hand,
And then turns away.
While you stand there thinking,
You've finally caught hold,
Of that elusive ray.

It's these sighs that I have,
And it's all I'm left with now.
Though I've tried so hard,
In the face of these vicious tricks,
Not to let myself bow, not anyhow.

It's these days, you know,
When my searching eyes,
Just look around like hungry savages.
While a whirlpool of emptiness,
In my inside, ravages.

But I'm tired now.
Tired of seeing the hands slip away.
Even as I grapple and grope,
Just to get a hold of them,
Drowned in this sea of darkness,
In which I sit and pray.

Everything's an illusion.
Every moment is just a dream.

And no, you never find,
The way back,
When the sun furiously beams,
An effulgent spread,
With rays of nothing else,
But the colour black.

My patience has stretched beyond,
And has weared out thin.
It won't be long before it snaps apart,
And the hopeful wait would dawn upon me,
As nothing but against myself,
My greatest sin.

So why do I still lie in wait,
Of hands that would never hold.
All these prices beyond my reach,
Anything that appears gold.

Perhaps it is times like these,
When I should really give up and let go,
Of all the things that come and disappear,
In the most fanciful of my unreal dreams.
For it is criminal to fool your mind,
Into waiting so long,
When drowned in this illusion,
I can only push myself further,
Into the throes of this seclusion.

No, I can no more let myself,
Be a slave to this need.
Maybe I've been trying just too hard,
So to this unsatiated yearning, I could feed.
Maybe it's futile to touch these apparitions,
Before they turn into something real.
You run past, you run through them,
But it is you whom they just,
Never seem to feel.

So, here I stand up,
Breathing in deep.
Taking in all that has ran, out of me.
I won't sit here and wait for you.
'Cause I've assumed that in this life ,
You're never going to be something,
That's even remotely true.

Maybe in the long journey ahead,
I'd sometimes stop and think of you.
But just for a moment,
And then I'll be off again,
Onto the meandering paths up ahead.

'Cause there are other visions,
Of paradise and hell,
That have been blocked from my view,
By your absent presence.
'Cause I also want to witness,
The sun rise and set,
Instead of your eclipse that's been,
Omnipresent.

And 'cause,
Thinking about you,
And sinking into your shallow depths,
Is what I would do,
When inside my grave, I finally rest."
: ~Sen~

This one hour that i sit and dread :(

2005-03-12T09:29:00.000-08:00

It's the worst part.
:(
One hour for the clock to hit 12 and all the kicks to come raining down on my butt! I HATE these birthday bumps.
Ouch.
My gait would be worth watching tomorrow morning :D
Oh Gawd.....how I hate it! The only time that I wish the birthday never came so soon.
And yea, for those curious souls out there, my much hyped exams went .....ummm....well.....theek-thaak.Now here is where I think that I'm being very modest.But when the marks are out, more often than not it does turn out that perhaps I should have been a bit more of that :P
Let's see what happens.Time to get lynched.After one hour, that is :(

well......I have nothing to say :)

2005-03-07T22:12:00.000-08:00

just 4 days to go........

2005-03-05T16:27:00.000-08:00

4 days to the second midsems and I'm feeling the heat.Eeeeekss! see ma schedule for the six papers that I have to appear for:
thursday : 2 papers
friday : 4 papers !!
Talk of getting the torture and bearing it too :) hmmmm....so what would i really post in all these days? ummm.....time nahi waste karna hai.......toh....uhhhhh... chalo, ab kuchh nahi to lemme scribble out the song I'm listening on ma Winamp right now......and leave the comp right after that .Have to see what's in the syllabus for Hydraulics :P

CRASH AND BURN - Sheryl Crow

I watched the sun come up on Portland
I waved goodbye to all my friends
I packed my car and headed to LA
I gave away all my loose ends

Somebody said you gotta get away
To wanna go back home again
I left my universe standing there
Holding the hand of my best friend

And it's laughter that I feel when I think of you
It's one more dusty rose about to turn
I'll see you when I reach New Mexico
if I'm in the mood to crash and burn

I wrote a letter that I never mailed
I rehearsed a dialogue in my head
In case you ever wanted to track me down
I'll take my cell phone to bed

And it's laughter that I hear when I close my eyes
And it's one more punchline I forgot to learn
I call you up when my bottle's dry
I'm on my way to crash and burn

Antigone laid across the road
And let a mack truck leave her there for dead
Just because her lover split the scene
Well love might be great but why lose your head

It's laughter that comes up when I cry for you
And my heart may break again before it learns
I might be stupid enough to want to fall again
Cause I've gotten used to the crash and burn

I say, I've gotten used to the crash and burn.

'Dead Man Walking' .... and am I still talking??

2005-02-24T19:40:00.000-08:00

Woke up at 5 o'clock.Right now, 7:40 in the morning and just up from watching the movie 'Dead Man Walking'. It's early sunlight and everything's calm, everything's silent ...... everything's so much...not there.And there couldn't have been a better or worse time to see this movie.....and what's more, it's a true story.
It's a blessing to get to see these kind of flicks........everytime I see one like this, I suddenly feel I've stepped forward by some decades in my life...... some unseen doors that I've just knocked on .......... and treaded onto some unused paths into an unexplored valley...... with those rugged masses and steep slopes shielding me from the world that I've been living in.
What is it?...what is it like, when a person finally walks those last steps into his end?? ........ He no longer fears the accusations for his sins , his wrongs......because everything is just going to dissolve and disappear in that moment.There would be no more of him, no more of what he gave and what he got.But he becomes free... free to accept whatever he's done ....... and to realise what's actually that he's done.These last moments would be the only time left for him to see the things from the other side....the side that he's been fleeing from.........the version he's been trying to hide from himself and the world all his life just to keep himself away from the pain and regret for some more years, some more days, some more moments.But Perdition is the next destination and nothing can steer his course off that.His last opportunity to finally look up and wave a goodbye to his deeds and his secrets.... 'cause these are all going to be left behind at this port...the port that he's leaving.Ironical....huh...that all the things that he kept to himself, hidden from other's notice are now stripped off from his own grip, away from him.
In those last few minutes , what does he look at?? aren't there just memories of the people and the feelings that have been a part of him in this tiring journey? All these remnants of his life from childhood to this day just flash across his view in these few seconds that he takes in the last breaths.And what more can he ask for if he gets to see the faces of his beloved ones just as he closes his eyes, the last time.That last breath, would then be the deepest and the most peaceful one that he would have breathed in his entire lifetime , just the perfect goodbye that he would have desired someone to wave at him.
The music too, in this film is so greatly haunting and beautiful simultaneously.Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan (yes! I'm not lying !) and Eddie Vedder have so beautifully merged their hugely distinct styles into the background song "Face Of Love" that it's impossible to imagine that anything else would have been any more perfect for this movie. this song plays in the background when Matthew (Sean Penn) is finally given the lethal injection and he keeps on looking at Helen ( Susan Sarandon) , the "Face of Love" for him, while he breathes out the final puff of air from his lungs.

" Face Of Love "

Look in the eyes
of the face of love
Look in her eyes
Oh, there is peace
No, nothing dies
within pure light
Only one hour
of this pure love
to last a life
of thirty years
Only one hour
So come, and go

I've been thinking of watching this movie for a long time coz so many people had told me to , but I just saw the post related to this movie at Borntodre@m's blog a few days ago and was suddenly reminded of it.So, thanks to born2dre@m too !
Perhaps another 'true story' movie that came close to it ( to some extent ) is "Blow" that I saw sometime back.....and it starred who else, but Johnny Depp.Though the intial half of the movie is really not so engrossing , what with story in that part sickeningly dealing only with how George Jung ( Johnny Depp) gets into the drug peddling business and becomes a big shot in it, the latter part, especially near the end is heart rending.George gets arrested a couple of times for the drug peddling business ..... his perpetually drunk wife (Penelope Cruz) leaves him and takes away their little daughter along with her........ George then somehow escapes from prison..... searches for his wife and daughter ....finally finds them....but his wife doesn't give a damn and his daughter also hates him.He can forget about his drunken , ill mouthed wife but just can't live without his daughter....... he somehow manages to convince her and befriends her again.....and also, regularly accompanies her to school.Then , one day he asks his daughter what would be the one place that she greatly wished to go....and she replies she wished she could visit California one day.George, short of money and resources, again hatches a drug peddling plan, gets together a team of former accomplices and executes it too...but only to be arrested soon after as these accomplices were a part of the bait placed by the police.On this same day (when he's arrested) , he was supposed to pick up his daughter from her house for the flight to California ...... she keeps on sitting and waiting till the night, but he doesn't come.And then, in the last scene, an old, wrinkled George Jung gets a call from an officer while working at the prison field.His daughter, Kristina, has come to see him . He runs to her and embraces her lovingly never to let go.But the next moment, she's gone , she's nowhere.She never was.Kristina Jung never visited her father after that evening of long wait decades ago.George even doesn't know that whether his grown up daughter would really look like the false figure that just appeared before him.... and neither does he know that what appeared just a moment ago, was not real.He is still looking around for his daughter in the prison field.

hmmmm....hffffffffff. It's a holiday today ( our sci-tech festival Techkriti's inaugral day) ..... good enuff "holidaying" done in the morning, watching and pondering over the movie. Now time to get up and greet the day :)

sigh ...... sigh

2005-02-21T06:31:00.000-08:00

sigh........sigh.......sigh.........sigh....hfff.

sigh.

I am a copycat. meeoww meeoww :)

2005-02-19T18:58:00.000-08:00

eh.....but what can I do ! .....just can't help copy-pasting these beautiful lines that i found at Acoustic Dreamer's blog.......they're just toooooo good. meeoww .

"Who will take care of this world
Asked the setting sun
I will try my Best
Said the earthern lamp"

: Rabindranath Tagore

meeoww :D

Holy Jesus!! that sounds good !

2005-02-19T18:49:00.000-08:00

Oh yea, it does ! I've always wondered what my father found so engrossing in jazz (yeah.....he's a total music freak too !! ;P) .....his mere jazz collection can beat my entire music collection any given day......n his ghazal and indian classical collections aren't far behind.... if my mother ever let it be, he could spend all his money buying these music cassettes and cd's....perhaps not even spare the money spent on our food and education :D. I dunno what occurred to me today that I downloaded Kenny Burrel's jazz pieces from a comp at the LAN here.....but what's even more astounding is that.....oh my God ....I'm listening to it too !!! yikes......I (in fact we: mom, sis n me) always told him what an incredibly incomprehensible haphazard piece of music that was !! he he.
But no , papa..... I'm getting a taste of it...I'm getting it, maybe juuuuuust a bit.Perhaps I should try out his other obsession too.....yeah, the guitar pieces.... Chet Atkins didn't have an inkling how big a fan of his lives at my house.Perhaps I should also start learning the guitar now.......it's a sham not to know how to play the guitar when your pop's got three of them (hawaiian , spanish and an electric) and when for the past 25 years your uncle's been devoting all the time after his office hours to guitar classes for those ever-so-eager-to-learn students. hmmm......so now i know what to bring from home when i visit there next :))
But hey........ is that really true ??...that "like father, like son" thing?? eeeoww!! it really seems so.......pop's a civil engineer too and a music freak as well.Oh , but there are definitely two differences.....I certainly didn't choose Roorkee over IIT-Knp , and most importantly, I'm NEVER EVER gonna go into a govt job...no way!
Phew ! fortunately, we do differ a little, otherwise, I JUST CAN'T imagine myself appreciating that thing called opera like he does.eeeeeks ! it's giving me the creeeeeeeeps already !!

newsflash

2005-02-14T11:33:00.000-08:00

The 'creep' in me has fled and the engineer's back to dictate.period.
yea, the satellite remote sensing lecture today just hounded it out.The whole class experienced a complete OHT(for the uninitiated, that's over head transmission....muahaah).Gawd! what a place this is.....it brings out the schizophrenic in you n then then kills it too.
eh..neways, have to go for the remaining classes now...had a one hour gap, actually.n yea, after the last two crap postings....hopefully will write something sensible like the previous posts (er....were they? btw)

sorry....couldn't stop ma self .

2005-02-14T04:30:00.000-08:00

no, i couldn't.it's 4:25 am rite now.....got up to complete an assignment......doing it, surely.......but have suddenly got on a total high.....no, i don't drink, don't smoke, don't dope either........it's Radiohead's numbers "Creep" and "Karma Police"......aww God!! creep's getting into my head....spinning it around....even just the sound of it can make a first timer swing and jump off from the bloddy hell around.......it's hitting me dead.....somebody save me !! save me !! aww....creep's even better than any damned Nirvana song rite now...a smooth dagger....kill me....i want peace..i want peace..phew!! o gosh......gotta stop the media player now........uhhhhh.no, you can't blame me...you can't.....need to do it ....yea, absolutely....so here it is , yet again...the lyrics :)
"Creep" - Radiohead

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so f***** special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so f****** special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out again
She's running out
She runs runs runs out

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so f****** special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
------------------------
aww...spare the song the blame of having those f****** 's ...... anything's excused for this music marijuana...if there was one .N yea, this soo rare....radiohead's lyrics being explicit.....else, they're all so abstract.....but then they hide a beauty, only for those who can see what's hidden beneath those apparently meaningless, irrelevent words....many of them've stumped me too.Aww.........finally got over it......scribbling's done the trick.Back to the assignment now !!

hmmmm........hmmmmm.......the most useless post, perhaps :D

2005-02-13T05:45:00.000-08:00

hmmmm :)
just woke up half n hour ago........soooo early in the morning.......didn't feel like doing nething, so just played around with some stupid gif animation.Was listening to Michelle Branch......but Alanis' currently screaming out from my comp......"That I Would Be Good" ......awww.....incredible song !
Your life has no meaning if you haven't listened to this one.
Oh! so why don't I get you its .wma file (playable on our old n trusty windows media player )...though it's someone's personal recording at an Alanis concert (but that's why its download is legal !)yep....here you go : go to this url http://www.angelfire.com/space/lunaparkj/pista5.htm , right click on the link "Click Here To Download" on that page and select "Save Target (Link) As" from the menu that comes up...and then just sit back and relax cuz it'll take a long time to download if the speed is really down and Alanis doesn't want to sing to you :)
More live concert stuff of her's can be found at http://www.alanisaudio.galeon.com . okay...okay....now I'm not gonna turn this beautiful blog of mine into some gaudy download site full of links.Hmmmm....got a lot of things to do......got 2 go......but before leaving, I'll torture you a bit more ........ will make you read the lyrics of "That I would Be Good" (though as long as you don't "listen" to the song, you won't know what i was talkin' about above ) :P

"That I Would Be Good"

That I would be good
Even if I did nothing
That I would be good
Even if I got the thumbs down

That I would be good
If I got and stayed sick
That I would be good
Even if I gained 10 pounds

That I would be fine
Even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good
If I lost my hair and my youth

That I would be great
If I was no longer queen
That I would be grand
If I was not on a wing

That I would be loved
Even when I'm not myself
That I would be good
Even when I am overwhelmed

That I would be loved
Even when I was fuming
That I would be good
Even if I was clingy

That I would be good
Even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you

...and lastly, my much needed resolution after the past
three days of eccentric behaviour :
"That I would be normal from now" ;)

A story worth reading.....

2005-02-12T04:56:00.000-08:00

yea, it is....really! It's a story written by a senior of mine, here at IIT Knp ....Denis Soreng.The story was published in the recent issue of Meander, our college mag..and has become a fav of mine ever since I read it. Have patience and read it whole........you'll never regret!! So, here it goes:

" The Perfect Kill "

It was late in the evening when I entered Howrah Station. It was teeming with office workers returning home after a typically tiring day at work. I didn't look forward to the prospect of returning home to my husband. The love between us had died years ago. Our marriage had been transformed into a dead corpse buried deep beneath a pile of painful memories. The bits and pieces of pleasure I derived from my daily existence were my only source of sustenance. My husband had accused me of being mentally deranged. But only I know better. He should have thought of a better reason than that to get rid of me.

I hauled myself into a train standing nearby. Finding a seat lying vacant I gleefully slid into it. After having exhausted myself at work securing a place to ease my legs was a welcome relief. The scene inside the train was disquieting. The train being the last one on that particular route, it wasn’t long before the compartment was bursting to the full with people. They jostled and fought with each other in a desperate attempt to keep from falling off.

June is the hottest month in Kolkata; its when the summers are at the peak of their torment. The sweltering heat conspired with the intolerable humidity to beat the lives out of the commuters. The stench from the garbage rotting on the rail tracks combined with the nauseating smell of human sweat to pervade the whole atmosphere. I felt like vomiting. I subconsciously swallowed the spittle that formed in my throat. In despair, I stared up at the ceiling for comfort. A solitary fan hung up there in a state of eternal rest, hideously shrouded in spider webs. I closed my eyes in a bid to rest my mind. Slowly I allowed myself to fall into a labored slumber.
When I awoke the train had traveled far into the countryside. The seat next to mine was occupied by a pretty nymphet. She had a concerned look on her face. The object of her anxiety was seated right opposite to us. He was the most loathsome, horrid specimen of mankind I had ever seen. He evidently appeared to be a village goon of some reputation. His bloodshot eyes were planted firmly on the girl. She squirmed uncomfortably in her seat under his leering looks. The redness of his eyes was indicative of the fact that he had soaked himself in liquor far exceeding socially acceptable limits.

The girl's nervousness was infectious. I looked around the compartment. It was completely vacant except for the three of us. I began to grow uneasy. The girl pressed my hand and held up a piece of newspaper for my inspection. She pointed towards a front-page news report. It was on a sensational serial killer who had been haunting Kolkatans for the past couple of weeks. Six young girls had been murdered in different parts of the city. They were discovered with their throats brutally slit open. The killings had been executed with such meticulous efficiency that the murder scenes were totally devoid of any clues. The police were baffled. The report went on to draw parallels with the legendary Stoneman who had terrorized Calcutta in the early 90s and whose identity was yet to be ascertained. The report was undeniably scary and chilling to the bone.

The girl had visibly paled. She motioned with her eyes indicating to me that she considered the man sitting opposite to be a prime suspect. The girl was badly scared and I must admit I was pretty worried myself. Suddenly the train slowed as it approached an oncoming station. I was contemplating the feasibility of getting off the train, well before my intended destination, when the man himself stood up. To my utter surprise and immense joy he hopped off the train as it came to a screeching halt. The girl looked at me and both of us let out a huge sigh of relief. The tension having been released, she began to giggle. I caught up with her silly laughter and soon both of us were laughing away in abandon.
With a rude jerk the train started moving. Soon it was speeding across vast open countryside at a furious pace. Her jangled nerves having been calmed, the girl had begun to doze in her seat. As I looked at her I wondered just how naïve and unsuspecting young girls can be. I slipped my hand inside my handbag and firmly gripped the kitchen knife I always carried. I felt a strange numbness in my fingers but I knew it had to be done. Besides she had an exceedingly beautiful neck. Such a pity!

Adversity breeds creativity...yea, that does seem to be true.

2005-02-11T15:55:00.000-08:00

Sure enough.At least that's what I'd say after digging into the real life of Fiona Apple and Diana Darby.......Alanis Morissette's?? eh....I knew that all along, afterall, she's my Goddesss !
Fiona's life pained me though, I must admit. Just at the age of 8 she'd started playing the piano (ref. Yahoo LAUNCHCAST), at 11 she'd started singing, and was about to release an album, of course, nothing more than some childish pop stuff.But it's hard to imagine that this budding artist would have had to go through something as hellish like this.At the age of 12, she was raped in the hallway of her mother's house (her parents separated when she was 4).Who did it, was it a visitor? a worker? or a relative?what then happened to him? Even Fiona seals her lips on this though she doesn't hesitate in her interviews while accepting the fact that the incident did happen.Being the daughter of actor Brendon Maggart and singer Diana McAfee , of course, meant that lot of effort went into keeping it under wraps but imagine the agony of this 12 year old girl. It's really so sick.Her song "Sullen Girl" , allegedly, refers to that event.Nevertheless, she finally went ahead and released her first album in 1995 - "Tidal" ....all those wonderful tracks..."Shadowboxer","Criminal" , "Sleep to dream" and..and "Never Is A Promise" !! I can keep listening to this particular track all day long, all through my life! ....... the lyrics are so much on-your-face and music so grave and enrapturing at the same time.The kind of songs she finally took to after the incident tell something about what's inside her...and us.Yea, we do remember the MTV Video Music Awards 1997 fiasco....don't we?? I didn't get to see the video clip but sure remember reading it in TOI's International page.How she went on stage to accept the award and asked her fans not to get fooled by these awards that are mired in layers of hypocrisy and manipulation.....have your own life, do n listen to whom or what you really like to.......not to whom these awards want to project.Of course, that was a very bad thing to do considering "commercial" aspects in the music industry.....but as she later said in an interview....she really didn't give it a damn...though she's trying to keep off from such on-the-face outpourings...afterall, she has a career to handle and her own life.Of course, she didn't give a damn while doing it.......but no wonder Sony took so long to voluntary let her release the second album which has become an obvious success story and also has the distinction of having the longest album title in history....yea, "Tidal" , her first album's title was just one word long...and here's the title of her second one....though we Fiona fans just call it "When the pawn.." to save time :) -

"When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and if You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land and if You Fall It Won't Matter, 'Cuz You'll Know That You're Right"

That was Fiona, let's come to Diana Darby.She's released her two albums till now, but only in the US and Europe.I just came across her music a few weeks ago at her site........and she rocks!! I tell you, all she needs is a big record label (ironical...huh??) and she'd be right where she oughtta be.It's not britney stuff that neone would hear and be able to appreciate.......only the ones who'd try to look deeper into a song than mere bubble gum pop ........actually,i have plans to kill britney :) and those look alike-sound alike-group alike (5 boys, or 5 girls..no more, no less) bands like backstreet, westlife,n'sync...n God knows how many more...a new clone springs up every second from someone's backyard .Eh, neways.....back to Diana...went around the net collecting her stuff and came to know her case is also one of those nowadays usual : parents fight-separate-again fight, over the child ...and in all this, the daughter 's already started holding both of them responsible for it.But good to see she's promising a great future for herself.Her poetry is also up out there at her site.But I guess it might be too implicit and perhaps, abstract for a layman.But then, that is the beauty.Her lyrics however , have taken into consideration the layman, somewhat..maybe out of pity :) "Sarah" is a beautiful track.....wonder when her albums would be available in India...can't do with just a few songs downloaded from her site :(
oh....but btw, have got hold of one good thing : an audio file of diana darby's interview...it feels so good to hear her speak about herself in her own voice.
Ouch!! damn it! spent soo much of time already.....gotta go now to get on with the day.....it's a Saturday.......no class.....eeeeeeyyyyyaaaaaah!!!!..arrrr.....but a couple of assignments also on the hold ...aaarghh. Life, sucks .

The first post .....what else...huh??

2005-02-10T23:19:00.000-08:00

So, here it goes.....my first post. Just an hour before ,I was freaking around in the hostel (as usual) and going crazy all over at Confuzzled's blog (not usual).......then thought of doing sumthin' that I've done only once in these four months of dormancy......yea, write poetry !! But how to write sum serious stuff in such a freakin' crazy mental state?! So required half an hour to sober down n get into the right mode.....n in the other half an hour, out came this one......aww...as far as which kinda emotion and when to let go out of control is concerned, I'm so very much in control! ....ain't I?
Eh....leave it.All that blabbering above must have resulted in Over Head Transmission. I know.Better to read the poem than that crap.....n so , here it is :

"The Bird That Flew"

The bird might fly.
Yes, it might.
Away from this old tree, where,
Every bird stays perched,
just 'cause, every other does.
Yes, it might fly.
Breaking this mould,
and into the unexplored skies.
High up there,
Above the silver clouds.
Even if what's ahead,
stays mired in the shadow of doubts.

The bird should fly,
Yes, it should.
Stagnancy kills it,
So why shouldn't it try?

The bird must fly.
Yes, it must.
Else , how would it find
the crest of life,
out of this trough of darkness,
in which it resides?

The bird will fly,
Yes, it will.
Even if the threatening clouds hover above,
with all their might,
and make even the daylight seem,
as if it was captured by the night.

The bird took to the flight.
Yes, it did.
The storm threatened it to stop,
But these wings full of fight,
mocked at the wind,
which they fearlessly chopped.

Across the oceans,
Above the lands.
Over the snow,
as well as the sands.
So many years of flight,
But it still flew,
as if eternity was nearby.
"Just a few more flappings of the wings",
and it thought,
"I'd know just how to survive."

Wearied to the wings,
weathered in the feather.
The last drops of life,
it fought to keep together.
It made them quiver,
even these hands of death,
when they throttled the bird,
finding it short of breath.

The bird no longer flies,
No, it doesn't.
But I'm glad that it once did.
Else how would it have survived,
all these years,
If it had stayed perched on the old tree,
Where lightning struck that stormy night,
and burnt down all who had thought,
that breaking the mould,
was never in their might ?
: ~Sen~